In the Land of Smiles (cont.)
It was a 3 day/3 night live-aboard dive trip. The night before going out on the boat, I was inquiring as to when the last whale shark or manta ray was seen. They had been spotted occasionally over the last few weeks, but I met three dive masters that had something like 900 to 1100 logged dives who had NEVER seen whale sharks. So it would be a long shot for little ole' me with my 11 - yes, a piddly eleven - logged dives to see the great almighty whale shark... the pinnacle of diving. Well....FIRST DIVE OF THE TRIP!!! My 12th dive ever! Oh, yes. I almost shat my pants. Well, wasn't wearing any...OK, in my wetsuit! It was an outer worldly experience. I saw them four times, on two separate dives, and even got to within 3 or so meters of it (snorkelling too!)! SO HUGE!! And it was only a baby, measuring in at around 5 or 6 meters! I feel blessed. The next three days were spent cruising around Koh Surin Nua and Nai near the Burma Banks, seeing s
ome beautiful and pristine coral slopes, with black-tipped reef sharks, moray eels, dolphins, sting rays, sea turtles, reef fish of all shapes and sizes, and Thai boatmen with plastic bags on their heads.... sorry a little random. I'll explain. We went on a night dive in the tail end of a thunderstorm. We descended as lightning was streaking the night sky and the rain pelted down. On the ascent we could see the lightning above, and with the flashlights off, the bioluminescent plankton waving around our hands and fins. I felt like Ed Harris in the 'Abyss'.... except I am not balding or getting paid millions. And as we break the surface, we see the zodiac with our captain Ba Ben and boat boy Yii wearing transparent plastic bags on their heads! That kind of put a full stop on THAT out-of-this-world experience... or rather, made it even more bizarre!
Thai people are so lovely. It's no wonder they call it the Land of Smiles. I was hitching southwards, trying to get onto the last ferry of the day to Ko Pha Ngan (for the epic full moon party). It was getting very late, when a man finally stops in his pick up. I decided to turn around and get a longer ferry to another island and then hop over to Ko Pha Ngan (in another ferry, not my go-go-gadget legs...). The man not only did a U-turn to take me back to the closest town (which was 10 miles away), but he took me to some friends office where they spoke some English, and I could convey what I wanted. Once there, they called ANOTHER friend who supposedly spoke better English (as by that point we came to the conclusion that none of them really spoke any English), and he motorbiked over, and ended up taking me on his moped to where I wanted to go! No strings attached! No money wanted (maybe he liked the close proximity of my crotch while on the moped....hhmm, never thought about that...oh dear).
I gave someone a ride on my rented moped once too. I was up in the northwest corner of Thailand near Mae Hong Son and the Burma border (where they filmed "Air America" with Mel Gibson and that wastoid...who played Charlie Chaplin - not in the same movie!). IN fact, we were on our way to visit a Burmese refugee camp and possibly a Karen hill tribe village. At the second military checkpoint a man motions me to stop; he wanted a ride. "Why of course. It would be my pleasure" falls on uncomprehending ears. He was however able to communicate to me that he was a Burmese rebel soldier from the Karenni National Progressive Party (I presumed...)! Ah, a normal day travelling in Thailand...with a Burmese rebel soldier behind me on my moped.... (he did not have his machine gun, no). However a stern-looking man in camo gear toting a large machine gun (Checkpoint Charlie was his name) stopped me from going any further, and so my newfound Burmese rebel friend had to walk the rest of the way. It's amazing, but everyone wears camouflage clothes in the border areas of Mae Hong Son Province. Even women and kids....."Hey, where is little Jin Wah?! Oh, there he is, in front of that bush. Couldn't see him. Dinner time Jinny...."!!
We were going to visit the Long-necked Karen village but another man barred our way unless we coughed up 200 baht! OK, so that is only 5 dollars, but it felt like a zoo. "Pay the admission fee, and get to see the Long-necked species of the Karen genus. Further down the valley, you will possibly be rewarded with a glimpse of the big-toed Hmong species, or if you are extremely lucky you may set your eyes on the rare and endangered Red-rumped Akha peoples"!! So my principles won over, and I declined to be part of the extortion and erosion of these people's livelihoods and culture.
But some people's morals and principles are low to non-existent. Particularly people with f***ing video camcorders! Sometimes though, they seem to be filming the most inane things such as grandma walking down the street (which could be anywhere in the world: Japan, New York, Sweden....well, apart from the inordinate amount of Thai-looking people walking around....), fish outside a restaurant, an electrician up a telephone pole, mom walking into an Italian restaurant in a god-awful resorty place called Hua Hin (I happened to be passing by, honest).
Oh, I had mentioned the full moon party at Ko Phangan right? Sorry, I am rambling it seems. But let me tell you one thing. This is a well-known style of writing pioneered by Irish authors; it’s called 'stream of consciousness'. ANyhoo, yes, I ventured to the beach of Haad Rin for the infamous Full Moon Party that is only matched in sheer craziness by other world mega parties such as in Ibiza, Goa, and... uhm... Stratford-Upon-Avon (?!?). What a crazy place! There are up to 8,000 people jam packed on one km stretch of beach, with each beachside bar blasting its version of techno, house, drum&bass, trance. I had gone with some Israelis I met at my bungalows, and had shared in some hash cake eating. Why? I don't know. I am a naive little boy when it comes to 'drugs' and I just indulged myself in a simple cake. Oh, it completely f***ed me up. All energy was drained out of me, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Hard when you are in the biggest party in the southern hemisphere! I felt SO out of place on that beach for many reasons:
1. I was not stoned/drugged/wasted/high of my face.
2. Was the only person without a tattoo on my body.
3. Did not sport any Day-glo paint on my body, or twirl little stupid glo-sticks.
4. Peed in the actual toilets behind the bars, instead of relieving myself in the beautiful crystalline shallows, thereby avoiding paying 10 baht (24 cents), as most people did.
5. I was drinking water all night as my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth due to the dry cake!
Lesbians (or unknowingly bisexual girls too drugged to know what the hell they were doing) romped in the shallows (I guess that would classify as a 'golden bath' then wouldn't it, what with all that urine in there....); people were shagging on the beach the morning after; all sorts of drugs were being consumed including diet pills! DIET PILLS! Hello? I thought "how vain of them to be taking these before the party. I'm sure it won't make a slight bit of difference to their figure, at least not in time for the party...." Oh, and I ended up having to share a bungalow with two Swedish guys, who were the Swedish equivalent of "Cheech & Chong". They seemed to be perpetually stoned, and would even wake up and smoke a bong in the mornings! Fools. I could make a movie out of those two: "Cheechson and Chongson and their Magic Bong do Thailand".
I much more enjoyed the night I went karaoking with some Burmese refugee kids in Mae Hong Son. It was a riot! They would pretend to know a song, and then when they found out it was some cheesy Dan Fogelberg tune or something like that, they would chuck the mic over to me! I have to say though, I pulled through with flying colors, to the point that they thought I was a cheesy country/slow rock fan weirdo... the funny thing is they speak NO English, and no Thai, so singing Hotel California in English is a steep learning curve for them. A steeper learning curve for me was watching "Air Bud: Golden Retriever" in Thai on a bus ride up the country... but I am sure I was not missing out on too much of the Dog-learns-to-shoot-hoops-and-is-kidnapped-by-Cruella de Ville-lookalikey-to-perform-in-a-freak-show-circus plot! I think I would have rather crawled five miles naked over broken glass with Barry Manilow on my back than watch that video...
Talking about cheesy singers... you can't even escape them (or rather, their songs) in far removed islands of the Deep South in Thailand! We were in Ko Adang in Tarutao Marine National Park having lunch in the Park headquarters when suddenly a Bing Crosby rendition of 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas' creeps into the background sounds! And it's only April!
Thai's love their karaoke. Shortly after we were blessed with Christmas tunes, this American girl and I went for a walk around the sea gypsy village on neighbouring Ko Lipe. It happens there was a wedding ceremony in full swing, which involved a feast, drinking, dancing, and of course, karaoke! We were only watching from the beach, when we were invited to join in the festivities. We could not decline, particularly as people were offering their chairs and tables. Within minutes of sitting at a table, we had our own little mini feast presented to us. We steered clear of some dishes since we did not know what animal (or part thereof) it was made from.... plus Susan was (and as far as I know still is) vegetarian (and that meal would only fortify her choice of eating habits...). I went on a hunt for some beer, only to find that we had been offered - and Susan graciously accepted for both of us - beer for the man (in this case me) and coke for the woman (in this case Susan)! HA! Later the bride and groom were going around the tables with their bridesmaid and best man I presume collecting money offerings for the happy couple (she was in six inch heels, walking in the SAND!). And in return they would give a cigarette to each and everyone of them, and light it. We didn't think they would come around to us, but just in case we got out 100 baht, but realized we didn't have an envelope to put it in (as everyone else seemed to be doing), so we wrapped it in the National Park map and pamphlet we had! It transpires that they did come around to us, and we placed the 'offering' in the silver bowl thrust into our noses. Then they did the cigarette lighting ritual, a menthol for the woman, and some strong Thai cigarette for ME! (I did not feel it was an appropriate moment to let them know I did not smoke, and actually detest it...seeing as they probably thought we gave them a National Park map for a wedding present!) Ah, the randomness of travel is a wonderful thing, is it not?!
Where else can you enjoy a deep fried water bug the size of a small bird with a trek guide and Israeli pensioner in the wee hours of the morning??! When can you take a picture of a Buddhist monk, and offer to send a copy to him, only to be presented with his email address!? Or spy a monk having a chat with someone on his cellphone!? Or play with gibbon babies (and adult ones too) for a couple of hours, watching them swing around the trees with effortless grace? Or be sitting in a tranquil relatively secluded National Park beach in the Gulf of Thailand with 30 or more Thai teenagers karaoking at full volume from their bungalow 100 meters from your hammock?! Only in Thailand. Well, maybe in neighbouring Cambodia or Burma or even Laos. I'll let you know if that is the case when I get back from there... Cambodia that is. I do not want to visit Burma, and have my money support the military regime there. THank you very much. As for Laos? Maybe on another future whimsical trip to escape the rigours of mundane 9 to 5 and day-to-day life. It's going to be hard to wear long pants (trousers) and shoes again....
So, this is it for me this time 'round. Do not be alarmed if I send another corker of an email on my imminent return to England (15th of May). Two and a bit weeks in a Thai jungle, Cambodian Khmer temple of Angkor Wat, and train journeying over the 'Bridge over the River Kwai' will undoubtedly produce some moments of sheer craziness, fun, and wonderment (if there is such a word). Until then, may you all be in a happy space in your life. Let me know what is going on with you too. There are givers and there are takers in this life, and I know that all my friends (yes, you!) are not exclusive takers, but rather like me, enjoy giving every once in a while. So, SEND ME AN EMAIL!!!
Chokdii krap (good luck for you),
David/Dave/Vidi
ome beautiful and pristine coral slopes, with black-tipped reef sharks, moray eels, dolphins, sting rays, sea turtles, reef fish of all shapes and sizes, and Thai boatmen with plastic bags on their heads.... sorry a little random. I'll explain. We went on a night dive in the tail end of a thunderstorm. We descended as lightning was streaking the night sky and the rain pelted down. On the ascent we could see the lightning above, and with the flashlights off, the bioluminescent plankton waving around our hands and fins. I felt like Ed Harris in the 'Abyss'.... except I am not balding or getting paid millions. And as we break the surface, we see the zodiac with our captain Ba Ben and boat boy Yii wearing transparent plastic bags on their heads! That kind of put a full stop on THAT out-of-this-world experience... or rather, made it even more bizarre!Thai people are so lovely. It's no wonder they call it the Land of Smiles. I was hitching southwards, trying to get onto the last ferry of the day to Ko Pha Ngan (for the epic full moon party). It was getting very late, when a man finally stops in his pick up. I decided to turn around and get a longer ferry to another island and then hop over to Ko Pha Ngan (in another ferry, not my go-go-gadget legs...). The man not only did a U-turn to take me back to the closest town (which was 10 miles away), but he took me to some friends office where they spoke some English, and I could convey what I wanted. Once there, they called ANOTHER friend who supposedly spoke better English (as by that point we came to the conclusion that none of them really spoke any English), and he motorbiked over, and ended up taking me on his moped to where I wanted to go! No strings attached! No money wanted (maybe he liked the close proximity of my crotch while on the moped....hhmm, never thought about that...oh dear).
I gave someone a ride on my rented moped once too. I was up in the northwest corner of Thailand near Mae Hong Son and the Burma border (where they filmed "Air America" with Mel Gibson and that wastoid...who played Charlie Chaplin - not in the same movie!). IN fact, we were on our way to visit a Burmese refugee camp and possibly a Karen hill tribe village. At the second military checkpoint a man motions me to stop; he wanted a ride. "Why of course. It would be my pleasure" falls on uncomprehending ears. He was however able to communicate to me that he was a Burmese rebel soldier from the Karenni National Progressive Party (I presumed...)! Ah, a normal day travelling in Thailand...with a Burmese rebel soldier behind me on my moped.... (he did not have his machine gun, no). However a stern-looking man in camo gear toting a large machine gun (Checkpoint Charlie was his name) stopped me from going any further, and so my newfound Burmese rebel friend had to walk the rest of the way. It's amazing, but everyone wears camouflage clothes in the border areas of Mae Hong Son Province. Even women and kids....."Hey, where is little Jin Wah?! Oh, there he is, in front of that bush. Couldn't see him. Dinner time Jinny...."!!
We were going to visit the Long-necked Karen village but another man barred our way unless we coughed up 200 baht! OK, so that is only 5 dollars, but it felt like a zoo. "Pay the admission fee, and get to see the Long-necked species of the Karen genus. Further down the valley, you will possibly be rewarded with a glimpse of the big-toed Hmong species, or if you are extremely lucky you may set your eyes on the rare and endangered Red-rumped Akha peoples"!! So my principles won over, and I declined to be part of the extortion and erosion of these people's livelihoods and culture.
But some people's morals and principles are low to non-existent. Particularly people with f***ing video camcorders! Sometimes though, they seem to be filming the most inane things such as grandma walking down the street (which could be anywhere in the world: Japan, New York, Sweden....well, apart from the inordinate amount of Thai-looking people walking around....), fish outside a restaurant, an electrician up a telephone pole, mom walking into an Italian restaurant in a god-awful resorty place called Hua Hin (I happened to be passing by, honest).
Oh, I had mentioned the full moon party at Ko Phangan right? Sorry, I am rambling it seems. But let me tell you one thing. This is a well-known style of writing pioneered by Irish authors; it’s called 'stream of consciousness'. ANyhoo, yes, I ventured to the beach of Haad Rin for the infamous Full Moon Party that is only matched in sheer craziness by other world mega parties such as in Ibiza, Goa, and... uhm... Stratford-Upon-Avon (?!?). What a crazy place! There are up to 8,000 people jam packed on one km stretch of beach, with each beachside bar blasting its version of techno, house, drum&bass, trance. I had gone with some Israelis I met at my bungalows, and had shared in some hash cake eating. Why? I don't know. I am a naive little boy when it comes to 'drugs' and I just indulged myself in a simple cake. Oh, it completely f***ed me up. All energy was drained out of me, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Hard when you are in the biggest party in the southern hemisphere! I felt SO out of place on that beach for many reasons:
1. I was not stoned/drugged/wasted/high of my face.
2. Was the only person without a tattoo on my body.
3. Did not sport any Day-glo paint on my body, or twirl little stupid glo-sticks.
4. Peed in the actual toilets behind the bars, instead of relieving myself in the beautiful crystalline shallows, thereby avoiding paying 10 baht (24 cents), as most people did.
5. I was drinking water all night as my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth due to the dry cake!
Lesbians (or unknowingly bisexual girls too drugged to know what the hell they were doing) romped in the shallows (I guess that would classify as a 'golden bath' then wouldn't it, what with all that urine in there....); people were shagging on the beach the morning after; all sorts of drugs were being consumed including diet pills! DIET PILLS! Hello? I thought "how vain of them to be taking these before the party. I'm sure it won't make a slight bit of difference to their figure, at least not in time for the party...." Oh, and I ended up having to share a bungalow with two Swedish guys, who were the Swedish equivalent of "Cheech & Chong". They seemed to be perpetually stoned, and would even wake up and smoke a bong in the mornings! Fools. I could make a movie out of those two: "Cheechson and Chongson and their Magic Bong do Thailand".
I much more enjoyed the night I went karaoking with some Burmese refugee kids in Mae Hong Son. It was a riot! They would pretend to know a song, and then when they found out it was some cheesy Dan Fogelberg tune or something like that, they would chuck the mic over to me! I have to say though, I pulled through with flying colors, to the point that they thought I was a cheesy country/slow rock fan weirdo... the funny thing is they speak NO English, and no Thai, so singing Hotel California in English is a steep learning curve for them. A steeper learning curve for me was watching "Air Bud: Golden Retriever" in Thai on a bus ride up the country... but I am sure I was not missing out on too much of the Dog-learns-to-shoot-hoops-and-is-kidnapped-by-Cruella de Ville-lookalikey-to-perform-in-a-freak-show-circus plot! I think I would have rather crawled five miles naked over broken glass with Barry Manilow on my back than watch that video...
Talking about cheesy singers... you can't even escape them (or rather, their songs) in far removed islands of the Deep South in Thailand! We were in Ko Adang in Tarutao Marine National Park having lunch in the Park headquarters when suddenly a Bing Crosby rendition of 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas' creeps into the background sounds! And it's only April!
Thai's love their karaoke. Shortly after we were blessed with Christmas tunes, this American girl and I went for a walk around the sea gypsy village on neighbouring Ko Lipe. It happens there was a wedding ceremony in full swing, which involved a feast, drinking, dancing, and of course, karaoke! We were only watching from the beach, when we were invited to join in the festivities. We could not decline, particularly as people were offering their chairs and tables. Within minutes of sitting at a table, we had our own little mini feast presented to us. We steered clear of some dishes since we did not know what animal (or part thereof) it was made from.... plus Susan was (and as far as I know still is) vegetarian (and that meal would only fortify her choice of eating habits...). I went on a hunt for some beer, only to find that we had been offered - and Susan graciously accepted for both of us - beer for the man (in this case me) and coke for the woman (in this case Susan)! HA! Later the bride and groom were going around the tables with their bridesmaid and best man I presume collecting money offerings for the happy couple (she was in six inch heels, walking in the SAND!). And in return they would give a cigarette to each and everyone of them, and light it. We didn't think they would come around to us, but just in case we got out 100 baht, but realized we didn't have an envelope to put it in (as everyone else seemed to be doing), so we wrapped it in the National Park map and pamphlet we had! It transpires that they did come around to us, and we placed the 'offering' in the silver bowl thrust into our noses. Then they did the cigarette lighting ritual, a menthol for the woman, and some strong Thai cigarette for ME! (I did not feel it was an appropriate moment to let them know I did not smoke, and actually detest it...seeing as they probably thought we gave them a National Park map for a wedding present!) Ah, the randomness of travel is a wonderful thing, is it not?!
Where else can you enjoy a deep fried water bug the size of a small bird with a trek guide and Israeli pensioner in the wee hours of the morning??! When can you take a picture of a Buddhist monk, and offer to send a copy to him, only to be presented with his email address!? Or spy a monk having a chat with someone on his cellphone!? Or play with gibbon babies (and adult ones too) for a couple of hours, watching them swing around the trees with effortless grace? Or be sitting in a tranquil relatively secluded National Park beach in the Gulf of Thailand with 30 or more Thai teenagers karaoking at full volume from their bungalow 100 meters from your hammock?! Only in Thailand. Well, maybe in neighbouring Cambodia or Burma or even Laos. I'll let you know if that is the case when I get back from there... Cambodia that is. I do not want to visit Burma, and have my money support the military regime there. THank you very much. As for Laos? Maybe on another future whimsical trip to escape the rigours of mundane 9 to 5 and day-to-day life. It's going to be hard to wear long pants (trousers) and shoes again....
So, this is it for me this time 'round. Do not be alarmed if I send another corker of an email on my imminent return to England (15th of May). Two and a bit weeks in a Thai jungle, Cambodian Khmer temple of Angkor Wat, and train journeying over the 'Bridge over the River Kwai' will undoubtedly produce some moments of sheer craziness, fun, and wonderment (if there is such a word). Until then, may you all be in a happy space in your life. Let me know what is going on with you too. There are givers and there are takers in this life, and I know that all my friends (yes, you!) are not exclusive takers, but rather like me, enjoy giving every once in a while. So, SEND ME AN EMAIL!!!
Chokdii krap (good luck for you),
David/Dave/Vidi
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